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Lately I’ve been in the mood to try out different cosmetics brands and products despite the fact that I always go for the “My Skin Just Better” make-up look. My go-to face powder for years is the L’Oreal True Match Super-Blendable Powder in Caramel Beige (W7). It’s the perfect match for me and works well with my oily/combination skin.

Based on my Kosas concealer match in the shade 7.5, which I absolutely love by the way, the Kosas Cloud Setting Powder in the shade Softly was the one recommended. I was hesitant at first because the model wearing Softly had a milk chocolate complexion while I’m more in the peanut butter range. But then I took into consideration that this was a sheer powder that was made to cover a range of complexions and colors aren’t always true to what you see online.

I should have went with my gut on this one LOL! Immediately after opening the package I knew that the shade Softly was too dark for me. I tried it on one side of my face and while the finish was absolutely beautiful, you could see the contrast between my face and my chest.

So off to the closest Sephora location I went to exchange it for the next lighter shade Pillowy. I didn’t go in with high expectations because the Kosas models wearing Pillowy had a much lighter complexion than me. Think of it this way, Softly would be perfect for Issae Rae while Pillowy would most likely work for Thandiwe Newton. See the stark difference between the two? I’m going to give Kosas the benefit of the doubt being that they’re a new company, but it’s 2022 and Fenty Beauty has already shown us that there’s no excuse to have anything less than 40 shades to choose from.

A Sephora beauty advisor recommended I try the Sephora Microsmooth Powder in the shade Tan. A quick swatch in store seemed like a decent match, but we all know that we can’t trust department store lighting. I will be giving this powder a test drive this evening as I’m attending Ava’s first dance recital!

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Okay now let’s switch gears and talk about my experience with dating at 35.

Whew chile! It’s the absolute ghetto! But I mean this in a good way. Over the last 15 years I’ve made my fair share of choosing the wrong guy. But I also believe in giving credit it when its due and the world needs to admit that there’s just a lot of shitty men in this world. It’s often said that women need to choose better but can we acknowledge that the majority of the pickings ain’t shit? I’m just saying. (Kayne shrug)

Recently I saw a TikTok about how married men date more than single men. I was triggered because since my divorce in 2017 I’ve experienced married or men in relationships tend to be more aggressive when approaching me. Now before you get to judging, my legs are closed to men who are taken. I don’t even play those games. I’ve been put in situations where the guy would say he’s in the middle of getting a divorce or him and his girlfriend are broken up, only to QUICKLY find out that he’s lying.

But sometimes this isn’t always the case as some men don’t give a damn that you know they are with another woman. They will still jump in your inbox hoping that you’re desperate enough to give them the time of day. And yes there are some women who would rather have a piece of man than no man at all. Not me. Get somebody else to do it.

Oh, and the single men that approach me? WHERE DO I BEGIN?! There was the guy I met at the gas station who ended up cursing me out via text three days later because I wasn’t answer his calls and text fast enough. It was Christmas Day to be exact. And for those of you unaware, aside from usual holiday prepping, Christmas Eve is Ava’s birthday so December is a busy month for me.

There was another guy who told me that I have to “prove myself” before he would take me on a date. That he was tired of wasting money dating women just for nothing to come of it. Ummmmm TF?! NEXT!

Let’s not forget to include the guy that ghosted me not once, but TWICE. Don’t judge. I was too busy the first time to notice I’d been ghosted but I damn sure understood the second go round lol!

Listen. In no way am I saying that I’m perfect, but I’m not about to take a man’s problems just to have someone in my life. When I really reflect on my life my darkest time usually had something to do with a relationship/man while my happiest moments were during periods of singleness.

I AM NOT ANTI-RELATIONSHIPS! I think that love and marriage are beautiful. What I am against is being with anyone just for the fear of being lonely but that’s a hard lesson to learn when society is constantly pushing the happily ever after narrative that I think many of us won’t ever get the chance to experience. I’m glad to be at a point in my life where I’m okay with that.

There’s so much more to my life than my relationship status and I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realize that. I’m so blessed to be at a place to understand the saying that true love come from within. As I look back on my past relationships, I understand why it’s said that you can’t really love someone until you learn to love yourself And if you read the last three sentences and automatically thought “She’s lying!” then you’re either a male-identified woman who bases her worth on getting a ring or you’re a man who knows that most dudes aren’t worth writing home about it and you’re upset I’m up on game. Just calling a spade a spade.

Once again, even though I hate having to preface my thoughts on relationships/dating with this, I think love is a beautiful thing. I’m just in a space where I haven’t found someone who is loyal and caring enough to be a part of my life. Perhaps one day I will but in the meantime, and if it never happens, I’m chilling. Peacefully.